Its been busy at work
I never used to like sleeping, but now i do because i love dreaming. And i swear to christ my dreams have started taking on themes. Its almost like a thesis my unconcious wants to convey to me every night. Maybe im just slipping off the deep end or looking WAY too into this.
Understanding the concept of no-self is very difficult and its what ive been working on recently. But to be fair most people do years and years of mediatation before they understand the concept. So its a bit frustrating, but you have to live in each moment and be blind to the goal. If you focus on the goal, you lose sight of the path.
Its all fun to say and sounds like i have it figured out, but it seems so infinitly more complicated than that. But thats part of buddhism, is taking away all those layers of bullshit and complications you've built up over the years.
Its been a rough week. One of those weeks where i wanted to quit, or relax and just take it easy, but something in me just wont let myself do it.
Im really starting to dislike the drugs, i can feel them. They say that if they are working right you wont even be able to tell your on them. Well i can tell, i can tell you exactly when i hit a therapudic level, i can tell you exactly when its high and when its lower. I get nervous when its low, afraid ill go into a manic episode. They screw with my head that way. Im not able to fully trust my own thoughts, actions, emotions. I feel like a zombie sometimes.
Understanding the concept of no-self is very difficult and its what ive been working on recently. But to be fair most people do years and years of mediatation before they understand the concept. So its a bit frustrating, but you have to live in each moment and be blind to the goal. If you focus on the goal, you lose sight of the path.
Its all fun to say and sounds like i have it figured out, but it seems so infinitly more complicated than that. But thats part of buddhism, is taking away all those layers of bullshit and complications you've built up over the years.
Its been a rough week. One of those weeks where i wanted to quit, or relax and just take it easy, but something in me just wont let myself do it.
Im really starting to dislike the drugs, i can feel them. They say that if they are working right you wont even be able to tell your on them. Well i can tell, i can tell you exactly when i hit a therapudic level, i can tell you exactly when its high and when its lower. I get nervous when its low, afraid ill go into a manic episode. They screw with my head that way. Im not able to fully trust my own thoughts, actions, emotions. I feel like a zombie sometimes.
posted by Scruffy at 6:54 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home