Wednesday, December 29, 2004


Experimenting with nature
was our first mistake

Then we defyied it like an angry child
Just because we could

And now i am returning to our mothers course
wondering when all of my brothers will follow

Monday, December 27, 2004

Looking out for #1

What is it that i am supposed to be
what is it that im supposed to think?

This is the same old fucking parable
i used to run around and around in my head
There are black tire tracks in my head
Circling this thought

Perhaps im just burnt out
But i am out
You fuckers have drained me dry
and i cant tell if its my own lack of reality or not

Im fucking sick of working for you
Best you learn that this is a two way street
Before your imaginary castle crumbles to your feet

it doesnt matter, no one else saw it but you

Friday, December 24, 2004

This entry was written under the influence of alcohol

Its a passion that consumes me
I let my heartstrings be strung and my harmonies be heard
Souls, hearts, lives and deaths
conveyed through a varience in wavelength
And somehow, someway, when it comes together

It, is, perfection

and you are controled by my wavelengths
its beautiful
its perfect

its something i will spend my life understanding

But do you understand?

Throne of Hypocracy

We built your throne out of our blood
our labor, our sweat, our pain


Your throne is the one I built
And i intend to destroy it
Peice by peice, nail by nail

Just because i built it
doesnt mean im going to listen to you
let you be my god, my king

You are nothing
I am merley the hands that built you

Tuesday, December 21, 2004


They are just words and thoughts

this has driven me into my comfortable insanity, which is growing more and more uncomfortable

these words, angry meaningless words

it doesnt matter if they come together or not
it doesnt matter if they mean anything
they dont mean anything, they dont mean anything, they dont mean anything, they dont mean anything, they dont mean anything


part of me that i forgot yesterday, but is never forgotten
something bred deep inside of me

I want to forgive you, i want to forgive myself

no more apathy, no more apathy, no more apathy, no more apathy, no more apathy


These holes in my skin
remind me of my humanity
of my incapabilities
of my defeats

but alas you cannot speak
as that your mouth is sewn shut
from your own insecurities
with thread i spun

And i wonder, what were you
No doubt what i said
that cold frail night was true
but now... i see your shadow


something warmer?
something closer?
something i had just grown to attached to
to throw away?

whatever it is
you have become a thorn in my side
a thorn i intend to get rid of
In my normal, painful, violent way

I never meant to hurt myself

Monday, December 20, 2004


The words keep flowing, so i wont stop them
only sympathy to my friends where the words dont flow

Its been denial under a cover of insecurity
and somehow through denying others the face of me they want
I refind myself

but the face behind the mask that i used to wear

so this is me?

its amazing why did i ever leave
why did i hide
maybe this is just what i was trying to find

I guess this is the end of the trail

Seeing the stars and the trees the first time free of hate
and spite

and full of love


Pale grey toxins mix in the air
Forming patterns
faces of those that have since past on
pushing against my breath as so that again their faces can be seen
as they were meant to be seen
how could something so deadly
something that will destroy us all eventually
make such sweet love to my eyes
only juxtaposed with a sweet symphony can i find perfection

beautfiul pollution

I am carcenogenic and you love me still

Deuce Deuce

I could be what you want me to be
But it wouldnt be me
You want an image formed in the clouds of your childhood
and though this is what you see before you
It is veiled through desparate eyes


all begging for an identity of their own
and i have found mine in this haystack

you call existance

i call it love

and yet you still seek your worldly image
that exists in your mind

and in your mind alone

Though my eyes may function as well as circus glass
they still see through your drawn curtains

Sunday, December 19, 2004


Its a controled burn that got out of control two years ago
And you never tried to stop it

Let there be no more loveless bloodshed

A cycle perpetuated
A system failure
A Heartless plan
A stream of words that mean nothing to you

and a warm stream travels down your friends back

Saturday, December 18, 2004


That which was familar, that which i was looking too
Is suddenly and feeling more familar than i remeber
I have blockaded and detoured the course of my memory
So many unknown streets has it passed down that it soon
Forgets where it came from and where it needs to go


Terrified and Paranoid, yet still cant manage to face the world
Through the facade that i put on everyday
I paint my face like the whore and come home feeling about the same
Of course through all these familar pathways, crossroads and trainwrecks
The urge to saturate stays the same

Ishkabah i beseach thee

Privleged Readers and Friends

Alas some of us have two faces

not always do we choose to be so two faced, but sometimes it is forced out of nessesity


so be honored