Friday, January 28, 2005


(no prose here kids, just something that needs to be said)

When you are young, ignorant and hurting. And a magic man comes to you offering you something that makes you numb, that can make all your pain go away. It seems so perfect, and obvious. But after all of my being that man, and taking that pain away from myself and others, i want to feel every cut on my skin and every pain in my back. Because this is the only life i get to live and i want to feel every waking moment of it. And if you cant take the pain, just remeber, the deeper the wound, the better it feels when it stops. Nothing lasts forever, except love. So why dont all of you that listened to me before when i offered my anesthiea, listen again, because i may have given a torn future to a hundred kids just as confused as i was, but hopefully they can come back.

If you dont believe me, then remeber after a heat wave, a cold biting wind can make you feel so alive, savy?

Thursday, January 27, 2005


The god you invented to keep your morals has failed you
His most loyal sons now betray each other
Whether from greed, ignorance, or apathy
Your god has failed you

I shall not play middle man to your war
This futile battlefield shed with your brothers blood
But you never realized
its your brothers you are fighting

I give up, this cause is beyond all i can realize


"you" was my mother in the last entry, i should have clarified that more

Can you hide behind your pronouns?
I certainly can
Lets play this game, hide and seek
one more time, for me

Fear comes from confusion
and when i become lost in this maze
You know what will happen to me
C'mon you know were still playing the pronoun game

But from pronouns come profound thoughts and ideals
you think?
no, its to hide because your confused
Identity, Intellect, Heartstone, Reality

Wednesday, January 26, 2005


The swirling lights, and my beating heart
remind me of those days gone past
the days i thought i had beaten
But old ghosts dont rest easy

and the whole time i was thinking of you

Tuesday, January 25, 2005


Thats all

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Lesson in Friendship

I stare at your name
All day all night
The thousand things i want to say to you
but all i get in return is animosity

Its not as if your supposed to believe me this time


i dont think we were ever meant to be "just friends"

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Stars are not infinite

You are not the set in the sky
Because stars dont understand Uni - i - t - y
We are grains of sand, on the same beach
A blend, all together we are one, except some of us use bleach
to change, what we, to stand out from thousands of the same
But when we change out ourside, our molecules are still the same
and we gonna try and use this, make it into a game
Now that you know your place you must know
That the only place you thoughts need to go
Is to understanding where you are in this soil
Stop all this meaningless mental toil
Because we are ONE, removal can never be Done

(the beats in my head again)

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Quality Control

I got the beat in sync with my mind
And everythings is going in time
I dream intoxicated another night
but this time is not another fight
with lucidy, i can control my dream
and lets see if i can keep up with the rhyme scheme
Throught my love i can find lucidity
its kinda like a whole new serenidy
but tied, in a straightjacket
my arms behind my back but my mind roams free
I see the numbers, in front of me
but i cant touch them, only see
This time the scheme speaks to me, like poetry
and i understand what it is to be
Lucid, too bad i can read
in the same way that i cant play the lead

who says i cant rhyme

niggas try to keep with me

Wednesday, January 12, 2005


You liars, cheats, backstabbers and turncoats
I never fell for your lucid reality
and now your back again with more nonsense
i never fell for your facade

Monday, January 10, 2005


Deep inside you know
Ultimatly you conformed to the rebellion
You woke up this morning
and used todays litterary device
to write your next meaningless lifestyle

Reconstruct with your mental plastic surgery
as i slowly slip plastique
into the crevases of your logic
(black is the most bitter of all color)

That which is charred and hardeded from use
becomes a priceless keepsake
That which is destroyed and rebuilt constantly
is a nuisance

Ultimatly you will be replaced

I hope you enjoy your manufactured reality

Sunday, January 09, 2005

The good ole days

I left those days past
in my past
they are my past
you are past

We are what we make of ourselves

and what i made was you
and me
Then broke it down
because of my own insecurities

And now its gone

Last night, i sat and pondered
while all my friends danced

And I realized im not the man i used to be
im not the person i used to be
and im just left with confusion
and resentment

I am my own sour taste in my mouth
that will not wash away
"if 5 shots wont get the taste out of my mouth
theres no way a 6th will"

Im just questioning
and waiting
only ignorance remaining
Ive been trying to find out

but i get nothing but left out

Its the simplicity i yearn for
and achived and lost
all that same night
Tell me how to feel, tell me how to live

ultimatly ill just run away like i did time and time and time again

Tuesday, January 04, 2005


Wage Slave only a zombie
Taking my caffine,ampetamine daily

You dont need to know reality
just the chain of command

a thousand people wake up
a thousand people drink up
a thousand people sit and wait
a thousand people never knew

Its simplicy
a well governed society
Feed me my drugs
to keep me passive
to keep me alive
to keep us functioning


Sunday, January 02, 2005

another one under the influence

Im in fucking shambles
my sanity was a stack of cards

and i just came tumbling down

I cant stop thinking about my past
i cant stop thinking about those memories
they keep coming back

the future keeps coming so ominously
but it wants to hurt me

im so fucking afraid