Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Im guessing its just withdrawls

I cant even think for a second without triggering the ultraviolent response

i dont know what it is

wait, yes i do

I hate cowards

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

The Game

Money, drugs, no sleep, highs and lows. I finally found the holy grail, which smells exactly like methylone, but tastes like its going to kill me. Im spitting bills out like i was printing em, while only pulling 150 a week at work, Im tiny, darfur tiny.

Yet it doesnt mean a goddamn thing to me, not any one of them because i knew when i started this charade that none of these things could ever bring me what i considered happiness, unless i can measure out my friends happiness in metric units. Point is, its a poor mask for whats going on underneath. Of course i always think i look more fucked up than i really lead on.

Cops were sitting on ross' house this morning, i think that means its time to lay low for a while, and make a motion of trust i may not normally make, hopefully my horoscope agrees with me.

Ever since saturday i can't tell you if im living or dying, probably both, but either way some comfort/sleep would be amazing right now, even if its only more chemical comfort/xanax

its the most commonly perscribed anxyolitic for a reason!

Friday, June 08, 2007

Love like Blood

I dont know what im doing anymore, it feels so good, but it doesnt feel RIGHT anymore, but i cant deny that id hold her forever if i had the chance to. So what does that all mean, it feels like theres some deeper meaning just beyond my fingertips. But maybe thats just it, i want whats beyond my grasp. Its almost impossible to say that i can find someone else, at the time of course, when i touch her skin its like volts running through my body, i havent felt that before and i dont imagine its easy to find, but its like i should say, GO TRY! if you find it then you know whats true. But thats not an option, one cant have a control in life, which is horrible, i need scientific accuracy in my life.

Thursday Night often blurs into Friday Morning .or. Segregated Meditations

Chugging black tea like it might cure a disease
Does nothing to clear up the confusion in my head
Why must the mind be vertically opposed to the heart
With no gearbox in between
So that both can find a common direction
And this dissonace can stop, not feel like an infection
So maybe there is a disease im trying to cure
With holistic medicine and a human spirt
Sometimes the body can no longer bear it
When such symbiotic parts run in opposite circles


This parrallels my American symbiote
But one can see symphonies in a reflecting pool
with a proper imagination, and no respect for the laws of light
But ive always been a law breaker


Im torn in twain
Both havles racked with guilt
My only option seems to be the powder soul suicide
But thats only a vacation into the world of fight or flight
Temporary reprise

There is nothing decifered in these meditations